Start of the new beginning
by gamakitsunechan
Summary: HP/SS. One shot. Harry was having conflicting thoughts so as Severus. How will they deal with it when they are each other's problems? Find out.


One shot only

HP/SS

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter.

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><p>Harry woke up early in the morning. Living with the Dursley's for the most of his childhood his body was trained to wake up before the sun rises. He looked around and saw Ron still on a deep sleep, snoring. Seamus and Neville also were in a deep sleep. Harry got up and dressed warmly since it was already winter. He loved Hogwarts especially when it is covered with snow. He quietly made his way to the Gryffindor common room to his favorite spot, the tree looking over the lake. He walked through the snow leaving his foot prints and using his wand to light up the way since the sun hasn't risen yet. As soon as he made it to his destination he sat down and waited for the sunrise to come. Because of the serenity of the place, he has time to think about the things happening around him. After defeating Voldemort, the ministry offered him a spot to be an auror, which he declined. He declined the offer because he wanted to finish his studies, he wasn't even sure anymore if he want to become one. All his life here at Hogwarts was to fight the dark and all he wanted to do know is to have some peace of mind. He was thinking if he would want to become a professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts or even Potions. Wait… Potions? He was not even good at it. Why become a potions master? Well actually the course itself got his interest since he got his books the first time he learned he was attending Hogwarts. But because of what his dungeon bat of a professor he did not pursue. Also he knew that Malfoy and his goons before always mess his potions. He secretly studies it away from the prying eyes of his friends and their questions. Of course he knew that some of the instructions in the textbook were wrong but he was not sure on how to proceed since he can't practice brewing potions without his potions professor learning about it. He made hunches but was scared that if he tried doing it during class he would either try to kill his classmates or face the wrath of his professor. Only when he found the Half-blood prince's book he confirmed that he was right. And because Slughorn was his professor he was actually proud that he could brew his potions correctly. Now that he was taking his NEWTs well except for Potions because he still couldn't face the person he always suspected one of the dark ones turn out to be the one who always saved his life. The one who was in the shadows trying to protect him. And now that the war is over, he couldn't gather up the courage to face him.<p>

Severus was pacing around his quarters trying to calm his nerves. He was having dreams. Dreams that he couldn't understand. The only thing that he keeps seeing are those haunted green eyes of Harry Potter. He hated the boy since he took a step in Hogwarts. He hated his guts. He hated the fact that those similar eyes saved him from dying.

"Damn Potter" he said as he sat heavily on his chair. He kept thinking about the words Potter said to keep him from dying.

_Don't die on me now, professor. Please. Don't die. I can't…_

"Can't what?! Damn you, Potter!" Snape got up, don his coat and decided to take a walk.

On his way to the lake, he saw a figure sitting under the tree.

"What the hell is Potter doing here early in the morning?" He asked himself as he made his way back to avoid him.

"I know that you are 10 steps behind me. I don't mind sharing the tree. There's a space for more."

That stopped Severus from his steps and turned to see Harry still looking over the lake. His eyes were closed enjoying the first rays of the sun hit his tired looking face. He saw how the boy grew up to be a strong man. Truly the war changes you.

"What a great sensitivity you have, Mr. Potter." Snape said as he looked at him.

Harry turned around and saw his potions professor looking deep in his eyes. He saw how deep his dark onyx eyes were. He suddenly had the urge to run his fingers through his dark long hair, which snapped out of his sudden daydream and quickly stood up. He tripped on a root and fell down on his bottom.

Severus fought the urge to laugh at the incident and saw how much Harry was covering his face to keep him from seeing the blush painted on his face from embarrassment.

Harry, on the other hand, was dying from embarrassment. Of all people to see his position, Snape was the one who saw it. His bottom hurt, but more of his dignity. He didn't know why but he looked up at Severus to see him trying hard not to laugh at his situation. But there is a genuine smile painted on his face. It was the first time for Harry to see his professor smile. The man, who hated all the people, who was always reserved, smiling, the hell must have froze all over. Harry was sucked in to Severus' smile that he didn't notice that the man was already offering him a hand.

"Do you like to get up now, Mr. Potter?"

"Uhh… yeah… thanks." Harry said as he took the hand. He noted that it was big and strong.

"Now may I ask, what are you doing here, early in the morning?" Snape asked, eyeing him.

"Nothing, I just want to watch the sunrise. And it gives me a bit of peace." Harry answered as he retook his seat under the tree and continued to look over the lake. Severus saw the serenity over Harry's face. Severus also looked over the lake and felt the peace harry was talking about. Even just for the moment, they enjoyed the silence together.

"Do you mind if seat next to you?" Severus asked as he looked at the deep green eyes of Harry.

"No, not really." Harry said as he scooted over to make some space for Snape.

Snape sat down and the two looked over the lake. Silence fell between the two of them. It wasn't awkward. Instead they both felt comfortable.

"Harry, why didn't you take your Potions NEWT?" Snape asked.

"I… I'm not good at it."

"Really? From what Professor Slughorn boasts you were quite the star of his class." Snape smirked at him

Something from his smirk made Harry drawn to it. But he snapped out of what the hell he was thinking and proceed to form his answers.

"No. If it wasn't for your book, I wouldn't have…"

"Stop lying Harry. We both know that you are exemplary in Potions."

"Ho… how?"

"Oh please, Mr. Potter. I didn't spend the rest of my life watching you and not knowing how good you are in potions. You are even better…" Snape stopped when he saw the guilty look on Harry's face.

"I apologize Mr. Potter, I didn't mean to mention anything about…"

"No it's fine, really." Harry said still refusing to look at Snape.

"Harry…"

"Look, it's almost breakfast. And I don't want my friends worrying about me missing it." Harry said as he got up and made his way back to the castle.

"Harry…" was only the word Snape said as he watched Harry go back in the castle.

"Damn it Severus. What the hell are you thinking?!" Snape scolded himself. Out of frustration he got up and threw a pebble to the lake. After a few minutes, he went back to the castle.

As soon as Harry arrived to the Great Hall, he spotted Hermoine and Ron already eating. He made his way to them.

"Hey mate, where were you this morning?" Ron asked as he stuffed his mouth bacon and sausages.

"I was taking a walk around. I woke up early and can't go back to sleep." Harry said as he helped himself with some eggs.

"Are you alright, Harry? Are you still having nightmares?" Hermione asked.

"I'm fine, really. I'm not having nightmares anymore. So don't worry, 'Mione." Harry said.

At the head table, Severus was looking worriedly at Harry. He knows well the look on his face. He was showing that he was okay on the outside but on the inside he was hurting. He hated himself worrying about Harry freaking Potter. He hated him before… before? What happened? Why does he feel different about him now? What happened to make him feel that way about the boy?

"Severus… Severus!" Professor McGonagall called. She became the headmistress of Hogwarts since Severus declined to get back on post.

"Huh… what?"

"It's a rare moment to catch you not paying attention, Severus, what's bothering you?"

"No, it's nothing I was just thinking. Anyway, were you saying something?"

"Yes, yes. I have noticed that Mr. Potter didn't take Potions NEWT this semester. I was wondering if you have any idea about it?"

" I haven't had the slightest clue, Headmistress. And quite frankly, it is his choice whether he would like to take his Potions NEWT or not. It is not my problem that he chose not to take it this semester." Severus said as he prepared to leave without finishing his breakfast and coffee.

" I know that it is his choice, but you are the professor of Potions. Are you not worried that he may not graduate and become an auror without him taking it?"

"Mr. Potter is already legal of age. He may have his own reason as to why he didn't take Potions. The Dark Lord is dead, Minerva. He is not my responsibility anymore." Severus turned around to leave.

" I don't quite believe on your words, Severus. With you-know-who, dead or not, Harry holds a special place in your heart. You are just too stubborn to realize it." McGonagall said as she sipped her tea. Severus let out a sigh and left the great hall after hearing McGonagall.

" Severus, you love Harry more than you realize." McGonagall whispered, exasperated from Severus' action towards Harry.

Harry noticed that the Headmistress and Professor Snape talking. He looked between the two of them and it looked like they were having an argument. He watched them more specifically his Potions professor. He noticed that something that Professor McGonagall said made Snape ball his fists and how his body became stiff. He watched his Potions professor made his way to the doors. As he passed through this Slytherins he caught the eye of his professor and for a moment the whole surroundings slowed down. The people around them blurred until only the two of them are left in the scene. They looked at each other and it made them complete. The stared at each other's eyes for what seemed like an eternity only to be ruined by Ginny tapping him in the shoulder and giving him a quick peck on the cheek. He snapped out and looked at her quizzically. Then immediately his head shot back to where Severus was moments later only to see those dark onyx eyes look hurt. Severus turned and walked out of the hall.

"Why?" Harry whispered looked at the fleeing form of his Potions professor.

"Why what, Harry?" Ginny asked as she tried to intertwine her hands with Harry. Harry didn't seem to hear her and before they could hold hands he stood up and quickly left the great hall to find his professor.

Severus walked as fast as he could back to his dungeons. He was barely aware of his name being called by Harry. He couldn't believe himself staring at the Potter boy in the great hall, where all the students and professors were. He couldn't believe the hurt feeling as soon as Ginny Weasley planted a kiss on Harry's cheek. He couldn't believe that he allowed himself to feel that way. To feel such feelings towards the boy he supposed to hate. Barely aware of his surroundings, he was snapped out of his thoughts when a hand grabbed his wrist and dragged him towards the astronomy tower. True that it was the last place the two would go since it was the place where their beloved headmaster died. But it didn't matter to the both of them at the moment. The only thing that mattered is the fact the Harry Potter was dragging him and a talk was about to happen between the two of them. Both were not ready for this but it wouldn't do them any good if they keep on avoiding each other only to end up on each other's way.

"Mr. Potter, what is the meaning of this?" Severus said trying to sound annoyed.

" Just follow me. We need to talk." Harry said as they climbed up the tower with him still grabbing Severus' hand. The walk was silent. Both were trying to come up on what to say.

"I would like to have my hand back now, Mr. Potter." Severus said when they arrived at the tower. Harry released his grip on him and tried to calm his nerves.

" Professor…"

"Mr. Potter…"

Harry looked at his professor. He stared at the endless eyes of Severus. He wanted to know what the look meant. What he was thinking right now. He regretted that he didn't try harder to master the art of occlumency.

"Mr. Potter, I have a class. Whatever it is that you want to say please do say it now." Severus said. He didn't like to be kept waiting.

"Professor, I… I just want to say how thankful I am… I know that it's kinda late for sorry and thank you but I want to say it already. Thank you for looking out for me and making sure that I was safe. I am sorry that I always suspected you. I am sorry that when you see me, I remind you of what my father did. I am sorry for what my father, Sirius and even Remus did to you. You didn't deserve it. I'm sorry that my mother never had a chance to forgive you. I am sorry that because of my existence your life went hell. I am truly sorry."

Severus was quite shocked that the boy would apologize to him and to even carry on the burden his on what the Marauder's did to him. He didn't know how to respond.

" I… I'm also sorry that I cut you off a while ago. It's just I don't want you to think that I took your efforts to protect me for granted. Well maybe before since I didn't know how hard your role was during the war. I just don't know how to respond to it." Harry said taking the chance when Severus didn't answer him.

"Mr. Potter…"

"Harry… it's Harry, sir. I would appreciate if you call me that than my last name. It reminds me that I have existed just to kill Voldemort."

"Very well then, Harry. There's no need to apologize for everything. It was never your fault. Whatever happened was because I was also partly at fault. I called your mother… and it was my choice to be a death eater. I did this to atone for my mistakes not only to your mother but to your family as well. I was so blinded by what the dark lord's goals that I forgot who I was. What your father and his friends did to me, you didn't have to take the burden of apologizing for them. It's all in the past now. And I accept whatever happened and now trying to move on."

"I know that. It's just… it's hard for me to accept whatever happened in the past. A lot have died and they did because of me. If I…"

"Harry, if you could go back in time, you would prevent the deaths of those who are important to you. I know you would do just that. I know that you doubt yourself that if you had been stronger you would have protected them. Harry, you must know and accept that it was never your fault they died. They chose to fight beside you and that was their stand. They died not only for you but also for their loved ones and the future of our world. Harry, you are the strongest wizard I have ever known. I would not admit that in public but I'll have to let you know that I acknowledge you as a strong wizard. You saved me from dying. I would have hated you for that because I accepted that my fate already. But I also want to thank you for saving me. I don't know what the future holds for me but I want to know. Thank you."

Harry couldn't help himself but to give a hug to his Potions professor. He could feel the man's heart beat. He could feel the man's body got stiff from the hug and relaxed after a few seconds. They shared the hug for a few moments until Harry looked up to see Severus looking back at him. They were both staring at each other not noticing how close their faces from each other. Both of them leaned in and shared a light kiss. As they pulled back no one said a word but continued to stare at each other's gazes.

"What does this mean, sir?"

"What would you like it to be?"

Harry did not answer but instead he kissed Severus once more. This time more passionately. Severus was shocked by Harry's action but also kissed back.

"Well I think that answers your question Mr. Potter."

"I think it does."

"Shall we, Harry?" Severus asked as he offered his hand to go back down and attend their classes.

"We shall, professor." Harry said as he took the hand.

"Severus. Call me, Severus."

"All right, Severus."

Severus leaned down and they shared another kiss before they joined the others down below.

"I'll see you later, Harry."

"See you later, Severus."

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><p>reviews please:)) thank you.. be gentle<p> 


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